There is nothing more important than loving yourself. Loving yourself first and foremost is the requisite for being able to truly love and support another human being – unconditionally.
This word Self Love is the new IT. The need and longing for Self love, we all seek and want it. However, many of my clients also ask me: but what is it really? And how do I do it? I hear people say “but I do practice self love, I go the gym and spa and get a massage whenever I need to, or I treat myself to a good meal”.
That is great and is part of Self Love, but Self Love is so much more. This is how I approach and see Self Love.
How to love yourself?
Observe and see your own wounds, patterns and challenges. See your own history for what it is and what is has created for you. See where the healing is needed.
Accept what is
Accept the situation as is. All your wounds, your struggles, your shortcomings and your achievements, they are all experiences that are maturing you, developing your skills and strength. Without accepting what is NOW you cannot make any changes to your future. It starts now with total acceptance.
Accept that your strengths, it being physical, mental or emotional and your vulnerability are all from the same source. Accept that you have both and they are equal partners in your feminine and masculine wholeness.
Accept your strength and your so called weaknesses, as they are potentials to be fulfilled.
Allow yourself to feel both your strengths and your weaknesses. This is how you create humility and co creation with others. You are so much more than just 1 attitude, 1 skill, 1 experience. Embrace all of your facets. Allow the experience of being you – all you of you.
Allow yourself to be free, enjoy what you can, even if you are in the midst of sorrow, pain or struggles. Allow the sorrow and pain to just be and allow things to pass through. Stop holding on to pain or energy in any form, it will only create blockage within. Focus on this: What can allow? How can I allow this? And go with it.
Acknowledge that misfortune, resistance, unfortunate happenings are all part of the game you play to awaken your own resilience and try it on for size. Acknowledge that in doing so you prove your own talents and create strength and stamina, you can even heal old wounds. It is not a reflection of you, rather of what obstacles you are learning how to defeat and thrive from.
Acknowledge all of your creations. Learn to see that when there is no-flow you learn what creates flow and it makes you humble. Adversity creates emotional strength and resilience.
Healthy boundaries – say NO
When you seek to always help others before yourself, you potentially weaken your energy and resources. Look first to what is inside. What are YOUR needs and where do you need to put up boundaries, both for yourself and others.
When flying, during the take-off instructions, the task they give us is if lack of oxygen or if a potential crisis should occur, we should put on our own masks first. Why? So we can help others. Without helping ourselves first we will go down… and then we are of no use to anybody.
Saying no to someone or something means you can say yes to something else, maybe even saying yes to yourself.
Allow yourself to give of your energy when you have something to give, as well as allow yourself to nurture and take care of yourself first when that is requested.
Learn how to say no and mean it. Show yourself how to stand your ground and create your space. Show yourself what you are worth.
Self love is being a responsible human being. It is about taking responsibility for your own actions, words, thoughts, feelings and deeds. No one can be blamed for your actions but yourself. You are at the receiving end of any thought or action you send out. It starts and ends with you. Be responsible for your own body. For what you put into it in regards to thoughts, feelings, food, fresh air, exercise and love. Being responsible is more like pull than push.
Pull yourself lovingly when you need something new, don’t push. If you push you fall. When you force something it will break, when you are responsible in your use of energy – your energy, you will prevail.
It is OK to make so called mistakes. In my book there can never be mistakes if you choose to learn from them. There is always something to learn if you are willing to approach it that way. They are all but experiences and some taste good and some not so good. However, you can always choose the next event and how you want to participate in that. You are responsible for your own learning. Responsibility fosters integrity.
Stop comparing yourself with everyone else. There is only ONE of YOU. You are what you are supposed to be. Take responsibility for being YOU.
Forgive yourself for the things what went wrong. Forgive yourself the times you did not know better. Forgive yourself the pain you have inflicted on yourself and others. Ultimately forgive others as you would want to be forgiven. When you forgive, you don’t forget the wrong doing or accept the insult, rather you separate the person from the action and forgive, so that you can be set free from the memory and from the connection with those angry and hurt feelings which is brought into your body and field. Forgiveness is the highest potential of love a human being can achieve. Forgiveness is self love.
Trust that you have the abilities and talents to carry you through life. Trust that you are worthy. Trust is a muscle to be practiced. Trusting life itself is a journey to be experienced. Trusting yourself is self love.
How can anyone respect you if you don’t respect yourself first? Respect your own needs, your own values and boundaries so that others can follow. Stand in your integrity. Respect what is dear to you even if no one agrees with you. Practice the respect you want in return.
Respect your body in all ways also its needs for rest and sleep.
Respect is acknowledgement. Acknowledgement creates respect. Respect creates dignity and dignity is Self respect. Self respect is self love.
Feel your own dignity. Act with dignity. Show your own dignity. Standing and acting dignified is self love.
You are a powerful being. Seek to understand how your use of your will power, for yourself and in interaction with others. Accept and acknowledge your own will power. Be responsible for your own will power.
Be willing to change what you do not appreciate. Use your will to see yourself and others, your will to adopt new ways of living. Your will power and your intention is the most important keys to make anything happen. Use your will power to be YOU.
Stop punishing yourself. Stop making yourself a victim for other peoples choices and needs. Stop being small, remember that you are a magnificent being. STAND your ground, be proud of YOU.
Be courageous no matter how small or big your challenges are, show your courage in how you face your obstacles.
When an insight is reached and a change seems to be the next step, action is required. Use your own willpower to make that action. Be bold. Be courageous. Insights and deep understanding that is not acted upon will stagnate and block your flow of energy and life force.
Befriend your own willpower, seek it and understand where and how it needs to applied.
Be kind – the Good will
Be good to yourself. Speak respectfully to yourself and with uplifting words. Encourage yourself as you would encourage a friend or your own child. Be aware of your inner dialog. Is it constructive or destructive? Only you can change it, if you will.
Self Love is self discipline. It is a personal road to travel and to learn from. It is treating yourself kindly and at the same time, allowing yourself to grow with your experiences. Allow the experiences to shape you into the model you can be most proud of. The one you would like to have as your best friend or partner. “Be the change you want to see” as Ghandi put it. It starts with being nice to you.
Peace – an inside job
Love comes from the inside. Loving yourself, loving your aspects or sub personalities. Love creates peace.
Acknowledge ALL parts of you, the so called destructive ways about you as well as the happy and positive traits within you. They are all part of you and needs to be acknowledged and not ignored or suppressed.
Love all of you. In order to fully love and accept another being as they are, we need to start inside.
True peace can only be obtained if there is inner peace.
Rise in love with yourself! Allow YOU to be YOU. Self love conquers all.